Should we let negative people wallow

Pooja Bedi

Pooja Bedi represents the uninhibited, strong-willed, personally and professionally successful modern Indian woman who has donned many hats. His prolific career spans the globe LESS MORE

There are those of us who crave positivity and those of us who are sickened by the constant “Be positive” mantra thrown at us on a regular basis. We are surrounded by those who talk endlessly about how they sing for positivity, count their blessings and practice gratitude for positivity, surround themselves with positive people, use aromatherapy, feng shui, vastu, chromotherapy, or have specific practices of meditation and nature walking, as well as a host of other methods to infuse positivity into their lives. Post-lockdown, mental well-being has become a central topic of discussion and it’s encouraging to see people coming out in droves to address these issues. First, sadness, frustration, grief are not mental illnesses. It is a necessary emotion that arises due to circumstances and must be dealt with. In times of crisis and turmoil, it is normal for negativity and sadness to permeate your life. However, how long you allow it to persist is your decision. There are those who make things happen, those who watch things happen and those who say, “OMG! What the hell just happened? The difference between doers and naysayers or critics comes down to attitude.

And it is rightly said that your attitude determines your altitude. Negativity is not constructive. It robs you of energy, focus, growth, health and happiness. You don’t have to be a beacon of positivity or be in a false la earth, but dwelling in negativity is not an option you should ever consider. You don’t need to replace negativity with positivity, but you can at least afford to let go of whatever disempowers you. Some people are almost “allergic” to the word “positive” because they think it’s “inflicting” and they don’t find any resonance with “pretending to be positive” or “pursuing positivity” and just want to be left alone to simply “to be”. And they should be entitled to it knowing that if they ever want help, it is there. Everyone has their own way of coping and their own definition of happiness. Not everyone had the same path or the need to be constantly radiant and euphoric. When we give people the right to just be themselves and gently encourage them to work towards becoming a better version of themselves at their own pace, we automatically encourage individuality and it also builds personal respect. . Nobody likes to be pessimistic, negative or sad. But it is a necessary journey that some must undertake and from which they must emerge in time. It’s when you don’t get love and support in your difficult times that bitterness or negativity is perpetuated and sometimes, unfortunately, becomes a way of life. Shine brightly and let your glow light the way for others, but do not inflict it on those who, at the moment, want to watch from the shadows.

1. I am in a relationship with a man who is abroad and cannot meet often, we love each other but the relationship is stuck, we only meet through video calls, we try to find a middle way but shelter ‘t. What should I do?

There has to be some sort of plan in place as to when the fracture ends. A realistic roadmap is a good idea to determine the different ways to meet more often and possibly the path for one or the other to move. Floating in indecision will only lead to confusion and may even end what has the potential for great solidarity.

2. I like this guy who is about 8 years older and my family doesn’t like him. They think I should find a better guy who isn’t so flirtatious, but I like him…what should I do?

You have time on your side so enjoy the flirtation and give the relationship time to grow and for their affections to show consistency and sincerity. If he’s a charmer, I’m sure he’ll also find a way to charm your family and friends.

3. My boyfriend and I have a good relationship, but he likes to hang out with his buddies every weekend, while I spend time watching TV or reading alone. He says I should spend time with my friends instead of wanting to spend time with him, he only seeks my company on weekdays… do you think this is normal?

You need to figure out what he likes with them and if you can fill that space. Being compatible at all levels is not possible, and everyone has a different way of having fun or de-stressing. If he likes to drink, party, or play and watch sports with them and that’s not your comfort zone, then be glad they’re there for that. What matters is that you know and like his friends and over time find more and more of the things you both enjoy with and without his friends in order to bond deeper.



The opinions expressed above are those of the author.


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